The Simsational Gent

10 Dating Mistakes Men Make: Fix Them!

Gents, have you found yourself on a date and wonder why the date has gone bad? Maybe you were on a date and you thought everything was going well but you underestimated how putting a whole bottle of ketchup on the fries you were sharing would gross her out! (True Story!) Then you don’t hear from the person again or you were GHOSTED? Is this because there are dating mistakes being made?

Well, unfortunately, as much as we like to blame women for bad dates when it’s your breath that stinks, there’s a good chance that it is you. Yes… YOU! We are going to talk about some bad date stories and 10 dating mistakes men make on these dates and, of course, how to fix them. Let’s get started!

DATING MISTAKES GALORE!

I came across a few articles on Reddit dealing with dating mistakes. It’s easy to know as a man what kinds of things that we go through on dates; especially guys who genuinely want to meet a good woman. However, the more I read I started to see bad dating mistakes articles involving women going on dates with men. I wanted to explore this more.

There were a few things that I saw that I’ve been guilty of when I was younger. I didn’t see too much of a problem with that. However, the more I read, I noticed a few disturbing patterns. I argue with my daughter all the time about dating but I always think of it from my dating experiences and how I’ve tried to have good dates! As I read the stories though, Gents, made me know that we need to talk about some of these things. Remember, this advice is to help you be a bit better on dates and to help you improve as a man.

MISTAKE #1

I asked a question on Facebook the other day. “Do women like confident men?”. Shout out to the “Purple Goddess” for responding to the question. She answers, “We love a confident yet humble man. There’s a thin line between confident and cocky.” I agree.

Dating Mistakes #1: Confidence is KEY!!!

If you go on a date with no confidence, then it is a lady parts killer. Gents, confidence comes from being ok with yourself. If you have insecurities, you can fake them for a while, but they will always come out. Or you can be like these little boys who make dating mistakes, like number 10, to get women because of their insecurities and because of their lack of morals. Get yourself together before you start dating.

MISTAKE #2

In a lot of the stories I read, the guys were just clueless about reading signs! Gents, even I have misread signs but the signs that these guys missed are dating mistakes that tell me they are new to the game! If you can’t read signs, then maybe you are not ready to date! The signs in the articles are signs that could have got a couple of these guys hemmed up or worse!

In another story, which given today’s environment, was hard for me to read. The girl states that she doesn’t want to hook up. However, he gets her to just make out. She was fine with that. He got her pants down but she is still saying she doesn’t want to do anything. When he… starts pulling things out, she gets out of there because he doesn’t know when to stop.

Dating Mistakes: Remember… No means NO!!!

This story had me uncomfortable. Listen, I know that we as men have been taught in the past that when a girl says “No” she really means, “Yes”. That’s not what “No” means. You guys would do well to not cross that line because not reading the signs, in this case, could have got this young man in trouble. And worse, she now is going to be really uncomfortable on future dates and may never fully trust a guy again. We can bash women for their questionable feelings about past bad choices on dates but we also must realize that it takes two to tangle and most definitely “No means NO”!

MISTAKE #3

I’m not going to stay on this one too long because it has to do with the previous dating mistakes. However, moving in too close before you have the signs to do so, kissing a girl without her permission (one guy got a girl’s cheek because she turned her head but then he forced a wet, nasty kiss on the lips), invading someone’s space, like the one guy taking things too far when she clearly said she didn’t want to do something a number of times, etc. If you guys don’t control yourselves, you all gonna catch a case; it’s not worth it over one woman who doesn’t want you.

MISTAKE #4

Listen, no one likes a braggart. I mean it’s just annoying. No one wants to really hear that! I was in Mexico and there were a number of these guys everywhere. I would always move to another area of the pool or club to keep my sanity.

These guys love to brag about how much money they have and how awesome they are. Don’t be that guy, Gents. They are constantly making dating mistakes to overcompensate for having no real game. It’s a clear sign that you have insecurities, arrogance, or maybe you are a sociopath. Who knows?

In one story, the guy is rich and the girl he’s on the date with is financially challenged. She didn’t grow up in a rich household. To her, his story made her think that if she had his opportunities, that she could do more with her life than the stupid stuff he did with his parents’ money. It didn’t make him look cool but like an insensitive jerk. Gents, guys like this like to talk about all the money they have because they think it will get them a woman. And the truth is there are women out there who like to hear that and want a guy that has money. If you like that, then brag right ahead. Get yo’ money took!

MISTAKE #5

In one instance, you can talk too much about yourself. In another instance, you can find that you aren’t saying enough. If your life isn’t interesting enough to talk and hold a conversation, it just means that you may not be doing enough with your life.

For example, if the only thing you do is work, school, and video games, then you could be limiting yourself in what you can talk confidently about. If you run out of things to say about you, what you feel, think, and believe, then maybe start asking questions about your date. Instead of just asking about stupid things like, “What do you watch on Netflix?”, try to probe and find out more about her. Ask her things that you would find important in a person you would actually date. That way, if the relationship blossoms, you weed out red flags early! There is nothing wrong with that because awkward silence is one of many horrible dating mistakes and a date killer!

MISTAKE #6

Don’t talk about your past too much on your first date! It’s ok to talk about where you were born or where you went to school. But bringing up your exes on your date, that’s a no-no! This is the quickest way to bring up red flags about yourself to your date! So don’t go down a slip and slide of hot sauce after getting rug burn! We don’t like it when they do it, so you don’t make this classic dating mistake!

MISTAKE #7

Sometimes we go on dates with people and they are not who we expect. Maybe they look a little different than what we believed. We can have preconceived notions of what a person looks like than what they are in person. “Different than we believe” is different than them lying about their looks or weight, using an old pic, etc.

If you find this happening to you, and the person is being nice, don’t be rude. You can still try and have a nice time. If you know that you don’t have a full grasp of what the person looks like, then you can also have them meet you in a place that isn’t too formal for a first date. That way, you aren’t stuck if you feel you want to leave. But don’t ghost them, yell or be rude.

The reason I say don’t be rude because what goes around comes around. Some guys also have a high opinion of themselves that they think that they want a hot girl to like them, yet they make no attempt to improve themselves for a hot girl to like them.

MISTAKE #8

Listen, your life goals are very important. They should be very important to you. However, when you are getting to know someone, don’t just assume that what you are doing is more important than what they are doing. It can come off as condescending, arrogant, assuming, and in the case of one story, patriarchal. That’s why it’s important to slowly give out information. Dating mistakes where someone is talking about marriage and family stuff on the first date and no one has stated they are looking for long term stuff is just a really good way to ruin your chance with a person.

MISTAKE #9

It’s easy to lose faith, Gents, when a date isn’t going right. However, the best way to recover is to keep showing interest if you are actually still interested. Sometimes, a woman will acknowledge a date is going bad or it went bad, but your effort to make it better or keeping it fun will look like you are putting in the effort which will show her you like her. That’s at least a chance to salvage things. Maybe even text her the next day, “I know that date sucked and I’m sorry but let me make it up to you on “Blah” day.”

Dating Mistakes #9: Just Be Yourself and Try Your Best!

At least show you are putting in the effort. What she does with that becomes up to her. Don’t be a sad puppy because things aren’t going your way. Show her that you are resilient. That you are the type of guy to make the best of a bad situation. Sometimes when things are going really bad, a subtle, kind gesture may be all it takes to make her “see” you again.

MISTAKE #10

Lying was one of the biggest dating mistakes I have seen throughout these articles. Little boys who have no real confidence in themselves lie about what they have, what they do, where they live, etc., etc., etc., all to impress women!!! Men, you don’t have to lie to get women, first. Second, if you all would focus on improving yourself, you wouldn’t have to lie because you would be someone you are proud of. I get it. You are looking to get lucky. Stop being led with the brain that really doesn’t count! In the end, it can and will lead you to ruin and empty pockets. I know!!!

Dating Mistakes # 10: Lying Can Get You Ghosted

So, the last part about lying is that guys, real men, make their intentions known. I would rather tell a woman that I am not looking for a relationship, or I’m looking for something casual, or I’m just looking to have some fun. If she leaves after, so what?! That gives a woman a chance to make the decision for herself. In one story, the guy doesn’t get her clues that she isn’t really interested so he makes his moves and learns that she isn’t trying to make out. He then tells her that he isn’t interested in friendship. I read one story that the woman said she wasn’t interested in hooking up; the guy said he felt the same way. He still pushes himself on her. Had they made their intentions known, they wouldn’t have wasted their time.

CONCLUSION

Gents, these 10 dating mistakes that men make are only a few errors when they go on dates with women. There are many more! These dating mistakes are easy to avoid too.

For additional tips on how to improve yourself and to be a better man, make sure you go over to The Simsational Gent on YouTube and check out our videos and playlists of Self-Improvement and Relationships and Dating.

If you find that you are having trouble with your dates, make sure you check yourself and come back and read this article again! Live your best life!

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: September 24, 2020 @ 8:22 am

Fill Your Cup First – Key To Better Relationships

Starting a new relationship can be exciting especially if you have been in the dating scene for any amount of time. Things are quite crazy about dating nowadays. It used to be that you got scarred in bad relationships. However, now people are being scarred during the dating process! Yet, if you are lucky enough to find someone to date exclusively, then you are one of the lucky ones.

You may find your glass is half full; you have an optimistic view of what could be. Nonetheless, too many people go into relationships or desire them to be 50%/50%. We’ve all heard this before but I think that logic has some flaws to it. In today’s article, we explore this more and I hope that you all will take time to ponder this before taking the leap into your next relationship or use it in your current one.

THE 50/50 FLAW

Most men and women looking to be in a meaningful relationship will agree that having a 50/50 relationship is the way to have a successful one. In case you haven’t heard of this, a 50% – 50% relationship is thought to be one where both people in the relationship provide half the effort to ensuring success. Far too often we find that someone is doing a little more than the other one. This typically leads to issues after the honeymoon period wears off and real-life sets in.

If we go into a relationship with the 50/50 mindset, it will inevitably lead to problems because people’s cups aren’t full. Imagine your relationship as a cup filled halfway with a fluid. If both cups are half full, then this leads to someone eventually taking from their cup to fill the other person’s cup. The other partner becomes fuller while it takes away from the giver’s cup. Some of you may have experienced this before. It feels like you are giving so much that you start losing yourself.

We go into relationships for many reasons. If we go into one because we are lonely, that is the worse reason to go into a relationship! Anyone feeling lonely and needing to be completed by having someone around is in danger of being with someone who isn’t the right fit (read the article called Red Flags here on Simsational Living). Moreover, a lonely person definitely has a cup that isn’t full. Fill your cup before looking to get deeply involved with someone else.

FILL YOUR CUP FIRST

What does it mean to fill one’s cup? To fill one’s cup means to find you first. If you get out of a relationship and you’ve become bitter or a bit harder, that’s not the same as finding you. It’s understandable to lose a little trust and faith in people; in the dating process. On the other hand, jumping into a rebound relationship before doing the things you need to do to be better is a huge mistake!

The one thing a person should do to fill their cup is to first acknowledge your own flaws. Too many people leave a relationship and blame the other person. This is a defense mechanism to make a person feel better about a break-up. Truth is, if a person doesn’t acknowledge their own flaws and shortcomings before getting back into the game, then they are more likely to see the same type of problems pop up again in the next relationship. If you are jumping from relationship to relationship and not learning shit, then you are only wasting time from the things you should and could be doing.

Next, after you have identified your flaws, the next step is to identify personal goals that will help you overcome those flaws. By setting goals for ourselves, we, in essence, help ourselves to be better and stronger. We no longer feel the need to have someone around because we are lonely. The new person is around because they are of like mind and goals. Anything that we do for ourselves that makes us better goes a long way toward our cup becoming fuller.

THE OTHER PERSON’S CUP

We all have our flaws and shortcomings. I am not saying that we are gonna find perfect people out there. There are a lot of damaged people in the world. My proverbial “tin can” has a lot of dings on it too. What good does it do to have someone around you who isn’t at least working on filling their own cup though? How can they help you if they aren’t willing to help themselves? You will end up taking your now full cup and filling them up and losing yourself again. What are we to do in this situation?

The truth is, as we start setting goals for our own life and accomplishing them, we start to feel our own self worth rise. It is hard for me now, at this stage of my life, to let anyone in who isn’t going to help me reach my goals. I’d rather be alone. Being alone and being lonely are two different things (a subject I will touch on in a different article). Set your goals such that they are lofty (lose 50lbs, travel to 10 new countries, learn a new instrument, etc.); they will require some work to get there. Then develop plans to reach each goal. These goals have to be created such that they do not involve anyone in your life currently or people in your life in the future. These are YOUR goals.

The other person’s cup should be independent of yours. If you are following your plans and goals and you find someone who will complement your goals, then you have someone worth exploring further with. If the person you are with or thinking about getting with has no dreams or aspirations of their own, then as much as it may hurt, you should let them go. Not because they are bad people. It’s because no one should pull you from your dreams; they should complement them.

WIN THE GAME

Have you ever been a part of a sports team? If you have, then you know what it takes to win a game, match, and more so the championship! Of course, it takes countless hours of hard work, dedication, teamwork, practice, etc. It’s not easy but it’s worth it. Champions all have the same quality… they don’t quit. Additionally, they are able to summon their emotions and skill at the right moment in order to get the max output in the right moments. These are the same qualities needed in any meaningful relationship.

As a player, if you do not work on and hone your own skills, you will not be able to fully contribute to the success of the team. Matter of fact, a team can have a lot of talent but not have the same mindset and goals. Moreover, if you have a teammate that is only thinking about their stats and what’s best for them and not what’s best for the team, then your team is likely to fail. There are exceptions to every rule, of course. When building the best team, everyone looks out for each other.

You and your partner have to be of the same mindset, same goals, and willing to sacrifice for those goals; for your team. Every successful team thinks and acts in this manner. All the successful relationships I know have this very formula. It is tried and true. We can all learn from it. It all starts from ensuring you fill your cup first.

CONCLUSION

In the end, we all want a great relationship. We want to find the person that will complement our lives for the better; even the best relationships have flaws. With that in mind, it’s ok. We are all just trying to figure this thing called life out. Positive people learn lessons from even the bad things in life. However, at some point, we have to know when bad is upon us and be strong enough to send it on its way.

It cannot be overstated, by ensuring your cup is full first, you will find those negative people won’t even come to you most of the time because they can’t prey upon your weakness. The other side of the coin is that it will feel as you are alone because you don’t have the same amount of people trying to come into your circle. It’s ok for this to happen. This opens up the possibility for the right people to enter the circle of your life and lead you to a better destiny!

Again, find your self first; fill your cup first before looking for another person to enter into your life. I can’t express enough how short life is. Unfortunately, so many people watch their hopes and dreams evaporate due to inaction. On the other hand, if you bring another spirit into your life, make sure that their cup is filled before giving them the contents of yours.

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: May 13, 2019 @ 12:30 pm

Self-confidence is Self-reliance

People that really know me would tell you that I don’t have any issues with self-confidence. I would agree with them that most of the time I don’t have self-confidence issues. The truth is… we all have issues with self-confidence; even me. I’ll sometimes be in situations where I experience temporary “amnesia” of confidence. I’ve had that pretty woman look at me like, “Ewww”, before. Like most people with confidence issues, I have had my share of life events that gave me low self-confidence in the past.

Most people will sell you that you have to have nice clothes, a nice car, and lots of possessions to be self-confident. That is one of the things that hold a lot of people back; thinking that you need to have “things” in order to build your confidence. I’m here to tell you, it all changed for me through changing my mindset. Today’s article is about the 5 thought processes that make me the confident man I am today and how you can learn to be confident too!

GET OVER THE PAST

Getting over your past is the first step to building up your confidence. We all go through things in our past that may make us feel less confident. Those mean ass kids that use to tease you, a parent(s) that tell you that you ain’t shit, or even that break up you had a few years ago in which your person told you that you suck and you’re the reason the relationship failed.

You can’t change the past. It is what it is now. There’s no going back. However, we can learn from the past. We can realize that as long as we still have breath in our bodies, we have an opportunity to make better decisions. We can make changes today that will affect our lives tomorrow. Do not let the past continue to dictate who you are.

I’ve gone out to bars/clubs before and just decided to be someone different. I chose a personality that I wanted to be that evening and stayed in character that whole night. Why did I do that? My people would tell you that I probably found it hilarious. I also wanted to see how people react to different types of personalities. Sometimes it worked well and sometimes it didn’t. In the end, it showed me that we can change.

DON’T LIVE IN FEAR

I tell people that I like to go up and sing karaoke and I get from some people, “I couldn’t do that” or “I have to sing with others so I am not scared”. The reason I like to perform karaoke in front of a crowd is that it is an adrenaline rush to be up in front of people I don’t know. When you sing in front of strangers, you are opening yourself up to others. Opening yourself up to others takes courage and makes you stronger.

I look back at my life and realize that I have always been put in these positions of standing up in front of people and speaking. I’m sure that has helped me tremendously. The other thing that helped me is that I had a strong mother and family. They always spoke their minds. It took me a long time to be able to do that. I had to learn that lesson in concert with the other items on this list. Yet, the lesson stands; we can’t live in fear. Fear will grip your life so hard that you aren’t “living” your life as much as you are waiting on life. Fear is contrary to self-confidence.

WORK ON YOUR SHORTCOMINGS

Some people will see someone commit an act of bravery or heroism and think, “I wish I could be like that!” Maybe you see someone you admire and you wish you could be like them. That individual had to go through their own trials in life to get to where they are. I know some people seem to be gifted perfection in life; like everything has gone well for them and they are perfect. That is not your concern. Your concern should be about working on you.

Look to your past and think about your short-comings. I want you to take away blame from your past and think about what you could be doing better now. If you want to work on your short-comings, you have to be willing to look at your failures. There are no more pointing fingers. Change starts with you.

Additionally, there are some changes you can make externally to be better too. If you’re looking sloppy, learn to be fresh. Maybe changing up your look may get you second looks. Working on your short-comings shouldn’t be a short term thing; your fixes need to be long term plans you implement into your life.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Until you learn who you truly are, you will never be the person you are destined to be. The journey to learning who you are can sometimes be a lonely road. That’s because no one can live your life for you. It’s your journey. In the movie “The Matrix”, the wise oracle told the hero, Neo, to “know thy self”. Knowing yourself is very important to having self-confidence.

Far too often I’ve known people looking to please others and not themselves. We try to emulate stars, singers and rappers, and/or flashy people. You are not them. If you desire to be like them, chances are you are gonna have to put in a lot of work. However, I don’t want you to be like them. I want you to learn to love yourself and not worry about what people think of you. Live your life for you, not them.

I am the same height as “The Rock”. Naturally, I use to want to be the same size as him. The dude is a freak of nature! Yet, I realize that I will never be his size no matter how much I work out. We are all made the way we are. We can’t change genetics. I want you to realize that you can change who YOU are as a person. This change has to be to improve who YOU are; not to be like someone else. We control only a few things in life; how we react to people, to ourselves, and situations. Use this knowledge to know who you are and build your self-confidence in that person.

REALIZE LIFE IS SHORT

I read an article that polled old people (80 years old and above) on the lessons they found most beneficial in their lives. One of the things they said was that life is short; they had regrets on not doing things they should have. For every time you are scared to do or try something new, for every word you left unsaid, to every person you did not fully express your feelings to, you will find that these old people looked at it as a regret.

Old people also say what’s on their mind. You every had grandpa or grandma just say things that others are too fearful to say? We chalk it up to being “crazy talk”. Yet, old people realize that they have nothing to lose. We all think that we will make it to 80 years old; chances are we won’t. With the uncertainty of not knowing when our last breath on this Earth is, we should take a lesson from the elders amongst us.

I come to this point in a number of articles about the realization that life is short. Again, time is the most precious resource we have. We should all be confident because we are not promised another day to learn that lesson. Live your life with no regrets. Love others and treat others well. When you do these things, you can be confident that you are one of the people making a difference in this world. The truth is, self-confidence is self-reliance. Learn to rely upon, love, and trust in YOU and your confidence WILL grow.

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: March 7, 2019 @ 2:38 pm

Stop Being Weak – Path To Better Relationships

It’s frustrating to find yourself with the same type of relationships over and over again. Some people search and search and still seem to come across the same type of failures in their relationships. I know; I’ve been there. I can honestly say it all comes down to one thing for that to change for you. The truth is… weak people choose other weak people. It’s a vicious cycle that stops when you want it to stop. Today we will discuss why some relationships end up with the same type of people and what to do to change the outcome of ALL your relationships.

The Flaw of Being Flawed

One of the biggest reasons that people find themselves with bad relationships is that they themselves are flawed. How many times have you, or someone you know, come out of a relationship and say that you won’t put up with the bad from the previous relationship in a new one? Most of us do. In a song by Brian McKnight, he sings, “If you ever had… a broken heart, you promised yourself to never let it happen again. (You) Don’t wanna think about it. Don’t wanna dream about it. But it finds its way back into your head.”

We want the promise and hope of something better than we had before. Moreover, we want the good from the previous relationship but not the bad. There lies the trap for some people. People have types. However, having a type puts you in the trap of dealing with more of the same. After a while, you have to ask yourself, “If I keep having bad relationships, is it them or is it me?”

You may have done everything “right” and it still ends up bad. There is an old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”. Most people come out of bad relationships stating all of the bad about the other person. There may be some truth to it. I prefer to look at myself and think about how I can improve so that I can be better for the next person and, more importantly, myself. Too many people come with baggage. As you get older, it’s inevitable. Yet, that baggage doesn’t have to define you. There is time to as MJ said, “make that change”, and be better.

The Psychology of Being Weak

Men and women tend to speak to the same conclusion; both speak of wanting a good man or woman. Nonetheless, finding a good/strong man or woman comes with challenges. For men, strong women come in different packages. A truly strong woman won’t deal with the games and expects a man to be a man. She wants him to be about “grown man business”. He should love fiercely and protect his woman. This man knows how to be in charge because he is a natural leader. Yet, the strength his woman brings, her presence and value is a necessary component to the success of the relationship.

For women, a strong man may seem like a unicorn. Your relationship isn’t just about sex but about romance and reverence. A strong man looks at his woman and sees her beauty to her soul; not just externally. Women, a man that bosses you around is not necessarily a strong man. A truly strong man controls things without being controlling. His thoughts are rooted in foresight. He plans and he has a plan. This man looks to the best outcome for his family and loved ones. He isn’t about games. Yet, his moves are likened to chess. They are strategic. He moves with purpose. This good man takes care of himself. This is what a real man is all about.

However, weak minded people can’t see past having fun, looks, how they “feel”, or good sex. They see the “red flags” but see what they want to project on this person; good or bad. Likewise, weak people will deal with the flaws out of fear of being alone. Moreover, they may look past the flaws of another for thinking that they can’t do any better.

It hurts my heart when I hear these things; especially from my close friends. They deserve better and yet, they get what they deserve when they ignore the signs and advice they are given. You won’t truly find the good man or woman you are looking for until you find and nourish the good in yourself first.

The Epiphany

There are a number of outcomes for weak people. First, some weak people settle. They eventually end up with someone with flaws but fewer flaws than the people of their past. The only hope they have is time. Time can help us look past flaws and just love what we have. However, this is the problem with society as a whole. We can think that this is the best life has to offer. For this reason, settling is the worse type of concession. We never realize our full potential when we settle.

Some people who are weak actually get lucky and find a good person. This person accepts their flaws and usually has complementing flaws. It kind of just works out for both. It’s a form of settling but at least they find a person who can grow with them. They find love. And if that is your only goal, then power to ya. I do believe in finding true “happiness”.

Another outcome for weak people is to have an epiphany. They realize their flaws and want to change their lives. They know they can’t continue on the path they’re on because it will lead to more of the same; bad relationships, financial hardships, cheating, depression, etc.

They want a better life and for the outcomes in their lives to change. So they start working on themselves. They grow and make better choices in their lives. They no longer accept bullsh@t by others. These people begin to respect themselves and thus others start to have respect for them too. They establish and complete goals. In the end, they are a better version of who they were. Eventually, others of like energy will be attracted to that energy.

Stand Strong

To continue to do the same thing and expect a different result is the definition of insanity. Though a person may not be clinically insane, it’s insane to continue to do things the same way and hope that better comes your way. You have a better chance of buying that lotto ticket for the mega-millions and winning. It’s time to realize your worth. Don’t settle for less; you are worth it. Don’t think you are; know you are.

When we make changes to our lives, it can be difficult at first. That’s why it’s important to have a clear plan for your future. As I’ve written before, we have to make a plan for our future based on what we truly want. The plan should be made independent of who is in your life or who will be in your life. If you make a plan based on others, there’s a possibility that you will have resentment later if you do not accomplish the things you’ve always wanted to do. A person who truly loves you will help nurture your goals, not hinder them. It will take some mediation and reflection. It won’t always be easy either. Yet, it will be worth it. That I promise. Don’t give up; stand strong and be strong.

It’s 2019 and it’s time to make changes. Don’t wait until tomorrow; change has to start today. None of us are promised tomorrow. We cannot get time back. It’s our most precious resource. One of the biggest regrets of people who live a long life and make it to old age is that they regret not acting on their dreams before it was too late. You are stronger than you realize. Don’t let your weaknesses, flaws, and self-confidence ensue because you are weak. This is your life. It’s time to learn to live it and live it to its fullest!

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: February 28, 2019 @ 2:10 pm

Moving On From The Past

Overcoming one’s past is the most necessary step to personal growth. Unfortunately, too many people live in their past. I’ve seen far too many people come up short in their lives because they are unable to let go of the things that have happened to them. In today’s article, we will discuss how the past affects us, letting go of the past, and moving forward to create a better future.

Ghost of Christmas Past

Everyone has something in their past that they wish they could change. This could be something that was a terrible tragedy, it could be bad relationships, that horrible first kiss, a night in Tijuana, or it could just be those mean kids in school (with their stupid faces). In all of these cases, the past can deeply affect our ability to move forward and to do it in a manner that doesn’t hold us back.

In a Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge was visited by the ghost of Christmas past (which always scared the heck out of me!). It must be remembered, he was shown a past that had better times and only managed to see that it was a good period that didn’t have relevance on the present. He was sorely wrong.

Some people do not have a good past to go off of. It sucks to relive your past every time certain situations come up. People find that they can’t help but react the way they do because they are going off of their experiences. If their experiences were bad, then the reactions of their future decisions will be bad. As a result, it becomes a domino effect in which every aspect of your life is affected by one event or period in your life. The Ghost of Christmas past can haunt us.

Acknowledge Your Trauma

Furthermore, not being able to let go hinders many people. Yet, it’s easy for people to tell you that you need to move on. For you, you just can’t. Not to mention, it still hurts. Not being able to change the outcome and feeling powerless is a terrible feeling. Ignoring your past does not help your situation either. It leads to a worse outcome.

The holding on to the past eventually becomes trauma. Trauma, as defined by the American Psychological Association, is an emotional response to an extremely negative event. They go on to say that it can be so severe; it affects a person’s ability to live a “normal” life. We will explore this more in the next segment.

Moving On Isn’t Easy

We all want to live a “normal” life. The reason I put “normal” in quotes is that I don’t subscribe to everything that people say is a “normal” life. Life is what you make of it. That doesn’t mean that moving on from your past and/or your trauma is or will be easy. Matter of fact, it’s one of the hardest things to do. The trauma of our past hardwires itself into our conscious. If we are not careful, it hardwires itself into our very DNA.

Our DNA passes on information from our experiences onto the next generation. Have you heard of “generational curses”? There is no “curse”. If there is, the curse is that a person does not fix the trauma and they pass this coding, unknowingly, to the next generation. This is very prevalent in survivors of severe trauma. For example, the African American community experiences this to this very day due to slavery. I bring this up to say that trauma, untreated, can weave itself into more than just your life but also to the lives of generations to come.

Moving on isn’t easy but it is necessary. If a person lives their life looking backward, it affects their ability to move forward. A person’s past can affect every aspect of their lives. Likewise, I know a number of people who have experienced relationship issues, including myself, because one or more of the people involved has had trying issues during their childhood. For me personally, I grew up as an only child. An issue that affected me as a young adult was to not be alone. Being older, it’s sharing my time with others. Actually, both of these situations are things that I have had to work on because of my past.

Let It Go

As I write this, I am reminded of the movie Frozen (now those damn songs are stuck in my head again). My daughter brought up a good point. She said that one of the characters, Elsa, was letting go of her fears, her worries, her cares about what people thought and embraced the life she had and the person she was. We should all take cues from this. We have to realize that we are powerful beyond our understanding. The situations in our past serve to make us stronger.

The first thing to do to let go is the most difficult. We have to face our fears head-on. This may involve thinking about the past in order to do so. This can be a scary thing to do if your past involves a horrific event. Yet, it is very necessary. We must understand what has happened to us and we must realize what we could have done differently. In some cases, a person may have had no control. In those instances, realize that it may have been out of your power to control. It may require forgiving people that we may not want to forgive in order to move forward.

Secondly, we have to realize we cannot change the past; we can learn from it. No one can change the future; we can plan for it. Learn from the mistakes of the past and develop a plan for your life based upon the goals you want for your life. CLICK HERE to read my article on developing a life plan and the importance of doing so. If you don’t develop a plan for your future, you will always live in the past.

Be Your Best You

No one wakes up and thinks they want to “fail” at life. Moreover, most people probably don’t believe that they are going to fail. Most people want a better life but few are willing to take the steps necessary to bring that life into existence. With this in mind, I am here to tell you that you can do it. Additionally, I want you to be your best you that you can possibly be.

Remember, in order to move on from the past, you have to let the past go. That requires us to face our past and our fears. You have to know what is holding you back and usually, it is our selves responsible for that. Once you realize how your past has limited you from being your best you, you have to develop a plan that will change the habits and tendencies that continue to plague your life.

We are blessed with life. However, life can be both cruel and beautiful at the same time. I remember seeing the movie Watchmen and seeing the irony in the previous statement. For example, one of the beautiful superheroes was a product of rape. Though she was created in a very violent and traumatic way, she would go on to save people thus becoming a blessing to others.

Additionally, a fire can burn down a forest but from the ashes comes new life that the whole forest benefits from. Our lives can be that beauty out of tragedy. We just have to be brave enough and believe in ourselves, to move forward and not backward, when moving on from our past.

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: February 21, 2019 @ 9:37 am

Rushing To Love – A Fatal Mistake

RUSHING TO LOVE

Rushing to love is a fatal mistake that far too many people make. I’ve made that mistake. When we are younger, we are still swept away by the notion of finding true love. This is bolstered by all of the stories, shows, and movies we’ve watched telling us this is the logical outcome when seemingly finding someone who excites us. Is rushing to love the right thing to do? Though we should not be cynical about love, rushing to love can be a devastating mistake. Unfortunately, telling people’s heart how to feel is a totally different battle.

TINGLY FEELINGS

The feelings that arise when you find someone you click with and inevitably fall for can only be described as amazing! Our day is brighter when thinking about seeing that person. We tend to look forward to the next time we can spend time with people we are falling for. Another way to describe this occurrence is that these are the “tingly feelings”.

It’s natural to get these tingly feelings whenever we meet someone we like. As stated earlier, young people tend to get these feelings quite quickly. As we have been through more relationships, we learn to be a bit more cautious. It doesn’t mean however that we aren’t subject to having tingly feelings just because you are older. Sometimes being older means you can get tingly feelings just as fast as someone that is younger!

Sometimes these “tingly feelings” are due to something more sinister. Some people confuse lust with love all because sex is good with a particular partner. This is the silliest reason to rush into love. If this is currently happening to you or has happened to you, realize that you are not ready for anything meaningful. As you get older or you’ve been with a partner for long enough, you learn that sex can fade over time. The passion that was once there slows down and usually gives way to something more meaningful, if the relationship is honest. If your relationship isn’t built on a more solid foundation, it is only a matter of time before it crumbles.

FALLING WITHOUT A PARACHUTE

Love is sometimes described as “falling”. However, falling without full trust is dangerous and can cause harm.

Earlier this week, we talked about red flags and how they are your body’s instinctual way to protect you from harm, hurt, or danger. Ignoring red flags with a person that you are excited about can be like falling without a parachute. I personally know of too many examples of people falling head first and not taking their time. As a result, this leads to some of the hardest falls and the biggest hurts.

Why do people rush to love? There are a number of reasons and factors to consider. As stated earlier, young people are excited about love. There is still the excitement of “possibility” with young people. They still have illusions of “perfect” relationships. For older people, it’s a bit more complicated. Older people who rush into love have probably experienced a number of bad relationships. Where younger people are more likely to have more casual relationships, older people don’t like the uncertainty of casual relationships.

It must be stated, younger people still have the ability to bounce back after a bad relationship. However, with older people, time is against them. As you get older, you realize your time is too valuable for BS. Older people rush into love because they want to have that special someone to spend time with so bad that they ignore all the signs and red flags. Experience should be their guide. Yet, imagine if you’ve been in a marriage or long term relationship for many years and find you are single again. It can be a very scary time to be alone (that’s the subject of another article).

RUSHING IN WITHOUT A HOSE

Never rush into a passion filled relationship without the right equipment; the right equipment is an honest view of the situation.

In my time in the military, we would perform fire drills to prepare in the case of that eventuality. At the same time, we knew the risks and dangers involved with rushing into a fire without a charged hose; it could mean life or death. I won’t say rushing into love can be that serious but it does have some devastating effects.

Earlier I stated that young people tend to be more resilient. As you get older though, going through bad relationships can make you cynical. You look at everyone with disdain. Some people even carry over their baggage from past relationships into whatever new relationship they’ve been a part of. Guarding your heart too much can be a trap.

Don’t rush into love. Anything worth having is worth waiting for, developing and nurturing. Your time is never wasted with this approach. It’s an opportunity to grow.

With this in mind, imagine you meet someone who seems to “fit the bill”. It is hard not to be excited and want your friends to be excited for you. Knowing my friends, I tend to give them the advice to take their time. There’s no need to rush. Rushing into making a relationship work will only rush your relationship to fail.

LOVE… PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Men and women view love differently. That’s why it’s even more important to have both hearts in the right place.

I am not writing about rushing into love to dissuade anyone from going after it. I just see a lot of people not being smart about it. Part of the reason I wrote this article after the “red flags” article is because they go hand in hand. You can meet someone who you like a lot and you think they like you and find out that there is something there that doesn’t work. It’s ok at that point to slow things down so you can ensure you are not making a foolish mistake. Far too often I see people “double down” on something that they have reservations about in an attempt not to be alone; not having to go through the process of looking again.

The dating game is savage now. At one point in time, two people could go out on a date, have a good time, and repeat again until they feel that things are flowing correctly. They would go on to decide that they should make things official. At the present time, you can go on a date and think it is going well and never hear from that person again. I could go on. Going on dates can be fun. If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. That’s ok. However, when it comes to love, we must proceed with caution when we feel we are moving things too fast.

VOICE OF REASON

This is what it looks like when you want something so much you’ll beg for it; it smells of desperation. You are not desperate, yet beautiful, strong, and powerful; you must believe it and live it for it to be true.

I like to be a voice of reason during these situations. I want everyone to live their best life and a happy one. With this in mind, I think that if you are dating, enjoy yourself. At some point, if we live long enough, we are going to get old. Our outlook on life will be shaped by our interactions with people and situations. Therefore, rushing into love doesn’t make sense. We’ve got to be aware of a few things when we look to developing relationships.

Have fun; life is short. – No one is promised tomorrow; live, love, and learn.
Know what you want from your life before you involve someone else. – Too often people rush into relationships without knowing what they truly want and don’t want.
Take the time to learn as much as possible about the other person. – If you are looking for something meaningful, then why rush. When you think you’ve found your soulmate, then it should be important to take your time.
If there are red flags, don’t ignore them! – When something feels off, investigate it. But don’t push forward and ignore your natural instincts. It will cost more later on if you are wrong.
Don’t confuse sex with love. – The stupidest thing to do is to think a relationship is amazing based upon sex. Seeing good in people based on good sex is not only stupid but only proves a person is not ready and needs to step back and evaluate themselves before moving forward.
Don’t be afraid to walk away if it’s not working. – The worse thing you can do is force a relationship that shouldn’t be out of fear of being alone, illusions that a person is perfect in your head, or going back through the dating process.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE TOUGH

Not all relationships have happy endings. However, don’t waste your time on relationships that don’t help you to grow and be better.

Relationships are tough. Choosing the “perfect” person is impossible. However, rushing into love is a mistake. Rushing into any relationship or situation without evaluating them is unwise. Time is our most valuable resource. So many people waste time trying to make square pegs fit into round holes.

Some broken hearts are by our own hands. By being smart about your time and your standards, even bad relationships can make you better. A broken heart can be avoided if your expectations are reasonable in the beginning.

So to quote the show, Rick and Morty, Rick tells Morty this… “Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you in a lifeless marriage…” “…break the cycle. Rise above it and focus on science.”

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: February 14, 2019 @ 6:25 am

Red Flags – Don’t Ignore The Signs

What are Red Flags

This is what it looks like to your friends when they can see the red flags in your life!!!

Have you ever had “red flags” about someone or know someone who has? The answer is an inevitable “yes”. All of us have experienced “red flags” about a person or a situation. A red flag is a situation in which you or someone has an intuition that warns that something about a person or situation is negative. In football, a coach throws a red flag so that it stops the next play from going forward and allows a review of the previous play. With that being said, we all know about red flags but why do we ignore them?

Today’s article will touch on this very relatable and touchy subject. I ain’t gonna lie; I am going to say some things in this article that may be tough to hear, controversial, or hard to deal with. On the other hand, if you take heed to this article, it can change lives and hopefully show you why we shouldn’t ignore these warning signs.

Why Red Flags Are Bad

Red flags are not all good! But it was the best picture I could find. : (

You may have experienced a red flag before. Maybe you know someone who has had them. This is your intuition telling you something is not right. As human beings, we like to think that we are more evolved than animals on this planet. We think that we can rationalize our way past all situations. The truth of the matter is that we have these feelings for a reason. Like the other animals of this planet, we too are equipped with the ability of intuition. We MUST start listening to the voice in our head that warns us and inevitably keeps us safe.

As a matter of fact, I have a number of female friends that I talk to about this stuff pretty regularly. I’m like Doctor Phil over here listening to these stories. I’m like, “Why for the love of God did you give this guy a chance?!!!” I always ask the same question of my friends, ‘Did you have any red flags about this person in the beginning?’ If they are honest, they’ll tell me “Yes, I did but…” There lies the problem; the “but”; the big ‘ol, big ‘ol “but”.

At the end of the day, people get hurt. Usually, it’s their feelings. In worse cases, it’s their spirit being broken by another. Today we’re gonna talk about red flags in the relationship sense. On that note, I am tired of hearing these stories. I don’t give people advice to hear myself being “right”. I know I am right. My friends usually come to the realization that I am right too. When this occurs, they usually don’t call me for a while because they are doing their best to salvage a relationship that should have never taken place. As a result, their time and trust have been broken. Why won’t people listen to the warning signs?

Driving Thru Red Lights

This is what it feels like after you done got your heart broken not listening to your friend’s advice! Red Flag for not listening!

Most drivers know that going through red lights are bad. If you blow through a red light, your chance of being hit by another car increases. That’s what happens when you ignore a red flag. You may make it through a light or two untouched but eventually, you will find your self a victim of an accident. Just let that set in for a second. I want to stress again, this is all about safety and your well-being.

Why do people ignore red flags? This is only my opinion. My experience has been that people don’t want to be alone, see the person as the type of person they always wanted, tired of trying to find another person in a hard dating world, and/or have very low self-worth. Honestly, the later sums up most of it.

I know how hard it is to find someone who may have most of the qualities that you are looking for only for the red signal flare to go off after the second or third date. That sucks balls! This is especially hard when you have had a bad run of guys or girls come through and you finally think you have a “normal” one. It can feel like you are being too harsh. It may feel like you’re being too picky; maybe you think you are. Unfortunately, settling for a person not to feel these things is not the answer.

But, but, but, but…

What you mean your mom still does your laundry? Red flag!!!

I am adding this section before I move on to my recommended fix for this because this always happens. I clearly hear people tell me about the person and my red flag goes off (indicating that my friend(s) have totally turned the blinders “on” to the issue(s)). It’s important to be supportive of your friends.

Yet, I am not gonna lie to any of you when I see an issue. Truth be told, I don’t like to waste my breath on bad advice so when I speak, the words have meaning. I’m a man dammit. A man is about his word and his actions. Enough about me though.

Listen, if you tell me that the person you are with chews too loud and you can’t stand it, I don’t see much of an issue. Let’s say that a guy talks to you about his mom and how much he loves her. That’s not a problem. A man should love his mom and respect her (Hi, Mom… though I know you ain’t gonna read my article! Love you!).

On the other hand, if he always talks to you about decisions he makes based on everything his mother tells him, then “Houston, we have a problem”! So what usually happens is that my people will think it’s cute he loves his mom. Yet, they ignore that his mom still is controlling his life. For my female friends, if you want a “boy”, then, in this case, you’ll be getting one.

A Big ‘Ol “But” For My Fellas

No, I will not lick your nasty ass toes! Red flag!!!

For my fellas, when y’all say “She be blowing up my phone all the time like she crazy!” I get no red flags from that. When a woman likes a man, she wants to communicate with him. She wants to feel like she can share her day and her thoughts with him. Think back in high school with the all-night phone sessions… “You hang up. No, you hang up. Oh no, not me; I’m not hanging up!” That shit is like Romeo and Juliet love!

If this same guy says, “Yo, she be calling me at work. She calls on my every break; she texts me all day long. My girl is DM’ing me all day!” I get a little concerned there. Ladies, a man needs to miss you. There has to be an opportunity for him to miss you. If there isn’t, he’ll think you are “clingy”. At that point, you’ve already lost the battle.

Fellas, let’s say you tell me the girl you seeing likes for you all to go out on dates all the time. I don’t see an issue. A woman may want more time to get to know you. Your dates may be fun. She may even enjoy your company! If you tell me that she always has you take her to expensive restaurants, wants VIP treatment every weekend, and/or always wondering what’s the next gift you gonna give her, now I am concerned. I don’t care if you have the money to blow. You are a man. If you’re not using your money to empire build, then what are you doing, Bro? A real woman should respect and understand if you are about your business.

It’s All Fun and Games

The start of not accepting red flags is self-love. If you don’t truly love you, no one else will.

The above paragraph was just some made up examples of red flags. I didn’t even use any examples that were told to me by friends. I am trying to make a point. If your red flag goes off for any reason, before you dismiss it, you need to truly evaluate “why”. Most importantly, evaluate the “why” before you make any serious emotional and status commitments.

Earlier I discussed negative self-worth. The problem with it is that too many people look for love from others before they find love in themselves. Loving yourself isn’t making sure you got all the latest fashion and you fresh all the time. That is a part of loving yourself. But don’t confuse vanity with self-love. There are a lot of vain-ass people who hate themselves. When you truly love yourself, you won’t let someone derail you from who you are. If you have to change to be with someone or they have to change to be with you, then that in itself is a “red flag”.

Learn to love yourself. Do not accept anything less than someone who will make you better. Any of you follow Will Smith on IG? He said something on one of his post that I think about all the time… “Be around people who will fan your flames”. That means the person is not only setting your soul on fire with a passion but they are pushing you to be the best you can be.

Take heed to this advice or this could be your fate… hurt, time wasted, and still lonely. Change your life today!

Netflix and chill are cool but you should want someone who shares a passion for building an empire. You should want someone who loves the idea of traveling and experiencing new things. Be with someone who can be open and honest. Because if you don’t and you settle, it’s all fun and games until your ass gets hurt from ignoring the red flags.

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: February 11, 2019 @ 9:29 am

New Orleans Marches On

A TWISTED FATE

It’s been a while since I’ve written any articles. I truly apologize to anyone who reads these articles regularly. It must be stated that my National Football Team, the New Orleans Saints, suffered one of the worse fates a team can experience. Over 2 weeks ago, they were playing the Los Angeles Rams in the NFC championship for a chance to go to the Superbowl.

Seriously? This dude just ran his ass into Tommy Lee Lewis and never tried to make a play on the ball… never turned his head!! Yet no call by the official.

With over 1:50 seconds left in the final quarter of regulation, a Las Angeles Rams player ran into one of our New Orleans Saints receivers, Tommy Lee Lewis, on a pass play. The play, obvious to everyone who saw it, was pass interference. Additionally, it could have even been called for a helmet-to-helmet violation. None of these penalties were called.

This allowed the Rams to come back to tie the game and force overtime. Momentum was now fully on the Rams side. If that penalty had been called, the chance to win the game would have all but been assured for the New Orleans Saints. Everyone watching knew this as well. However, they would go on to win the game in overtime. This will go down as one of the worse non-calls and bad beats in sports history.

BAD BEATS

In life, we experience bad beats. It can feel like life is unfair at times. That game felt like one of those times. This is especially true when you have worked so hard to win and still lose. To have everything you have worked so hard for taken from you due to horrible circumstances is a terrible feeling. These bad beats can leave us feeling down, depressed and even unmotivated.

I went through all these emotions. To make matters worse, I finished watching the game and had to go directly to work after. Once I got to work, I knew that I would have to deal with a few haters. The TV’s above me would replay the missed or ignored call over and over. It was one of the worse days I’ve ever had at work. And after being in the military as long as I once was, that’s a high bar to beat.

My side hustle is bartending. This job requires me to interact with people. I love that I can be social able on this job. On this day, I could barely muster the energy to smile. The reality was that I had no time to process my emotions. Yet, I still had to get the job done. I’ve had many days like that while I was in the military. This felt different though. Its one thing to lose but it’s another to feel cheated.

RECOVERY TIME

When we go through these bad beats, we have to move on. As unfortunate as this event is, moving on is important because life moves on. We cannot wallow in our misery for too long. I will never discourage someone from being in their feelings. Yet, staying in our feelings too long can be detrimental to our health and our lives. I would go on to deal with my emotions and go back to acting my normal self.

Something happened in the preceding days of this event. More and more people could relate to how bad this event was. It was encouraging that it wasn’t only Saints fans that felt that this was a travesty. With this in mind, when we are going through our emotions, we need that empathy to help recover; even when we don’t think we do. Having people in our lives that help us through tough times is a part of the recovery process.

It has been said, friends are the family that we choose. If this is not true in your life, then you should select better friends. My friends and family are very important to me. I may not speak to everyone every day, but mine keep me sane and give me purpose. The people in our lives can make or break our ability to be our best. Ensure that you have those types of people in your life; clear out the people who don’t have your best interest at heart.

NEW ORLEANS GOES MARCHING ON

I moved away from my hometown many years ago but the spirit of my city has never left me. Despite the bad beat, the city rallied together in defiance of a system that didn’t care how it felt. And on Superbowl Sunday something beautiful occurred. Instead of watching the game, New Orleans did what it does best… it threw a huge party! It was a celebration of our team and city. The Who Dat nation showed up and showed out!

I watched countless videos of the celebrations going on throughout the city. While this was going on, the Superbowl played out. I intended not to watch the game either. However, when I got to work, it was the beginning of the second half of the game. And from my perspective, everyone in my bar, and everyone I’ve talked to since, it was the most boring Superbowl EVER.

New Orleans Saints have a HUGE fan base. The Who Dat Nation is scattered throughout the country. Some of these fans are native-born such as me; some are fans of a city and team that has its own unique flavor. Everyone stood in solidarity on this day. It must be stated, not only was it the most boring game ever, it had the lowest ratings of a Superbowl in more than a decade. And low ratings means that money will be affected.

You’re welcome National Football League.

PRIDE IN A CITY

There were many reasons for moving away from New Orleans. I needed a new start in my life. It was essential that I move away to learn more about me and become the man that I needed to be. We all need to get away from where we come from for this reason. I’ve seen so many things in my travels. I can honestly say there is no city like the Crescent City, the Big Easy… New Orleans, Louisiana.

We may have lost the game that could have put us in the Superbowl but we will never lose our pride. You see, people have tried to hold us down for years. We’re used to being the underdogs. But we don’t give a shit. We’re too chill to worry about that noise.

I am proud of you, New Orleans. Being away from you makes me appreciate your uniqueness that much more. I’ve carried the lessons, the flavor, and the experiences with me wherever I’ve gone. There are so many people that have wondered how I am so cool and able to get along with most people. The truth is that’s how we are in New Orleans. If you cool, we cool. However, we’re not the people to mess with. We have pride in our city. We have pride in its rich heritage, food, and personalities. Most importantly, we have pride in our team, the championship New Orleans Saints, win or lose. Cheating ass refs or Commissioners won’t change that. It’s because New Orleans always marches on… Who Dat!!!

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: February 7, 2019 @ 3:45 pm

5 Tips to Better Time Management

TIME MANAGEMENT IS A SKILL

Time management is one of the most important skills to master when you are determined to reach your goals. Unfortunately, most people do not realize this. I want you to think about this… the most valuable resource that any of us have isn’t money; it’s time. We can’t get more time. Once it is gone, there are no re-dos. Talking with a brother of mine, he inspired me to write this article on time management.

As a Chief in the United States Navy, I had to learn to be good at time management. Without proper time management, we would cease to have the greatest military in the world. Time management is a learned skill that anyone can master. Am I perfect at time management? I would say no. I have to overcome some of my own faults in order to be better at it. However, I am pretty good with my time. That comes from years of managing my time and the time of the guys that have served under me. So this article is my top 5 tips to better time management.

SET SHORT AND LONG TERM GOALS

Setting short and long term goals is the first step to having better time management. If you don’t know where you are going, you will be lucky to get to your goals efficiently. As a kid, I was a procrastinator. I can say that I was one of the best. Once I joined the military, my procrastination skills were for naught. They could not overcome the brutal schedule and expectation required of all service members. I would go on to learn to better manage my time because, at the beginning of my career, it was managed for me.

First, you must create long term goals. What is it that you want to accomplish? Where do you see yourself in the next five years? These questions may seem cliché, yet if you don’t make an honest evaluation of these questions, you will find yourself doing the same things you were before. The end result will be that you have not moved your life forward; a waste of your valuable time.

Long term goals have to be made based on what you want for YOUR life. They must be made independent of who is in your life or who will be in your life. If you are married, then this may be the exception. My only advice is that you and your spouse sit down and plan this together. You all must determine that this is the best course for both of your lives. If you don’t know where you are going, you will never reach the destination.

WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS

I read once that people who write down there goals are 70% more likely to reach their goals. This was taught to me a very long time ago. I can tell you this… I wrote down some goals in my high school senior book and I have reached most of them. It must be noted that I did not reach them all in the time frame that I originally thought. Think about it… I was a teen writing down goals and did not comprehend what it would take to reach. With that in mind, I still reached them. Looking back I realize that I reached my goals because they were written into my heart. That’s why writing down your goals is so important.

Another thing that I do is I have a whiteboard that I use to write down my weekly goals. I divide my board into two parts; personal goals and business goals. For example, my personal goals may be as simple as paying a bill, changing my oil, or doing laundry. My business goals are more specific to the tasks and plans tailored for it. All of the goals I list, as a whole, support my long term goals. You must keep that in mind; you have immediate needs. However, everything should feed into the larger picture. It doesn’t always work out that way; for the most part, it should.

USE THE TOOLS YOU HAVE

When I was a Chief in the Navy, young Sailors would come to me with basic questions. I’d ask, ‘Did you look it up first?’ Inevitably, they had not. They never thought to look up the answers on their smartphones! The generation today has the power of all knowledge at their fingertips yet fails to harness this power to make it work for them! Why even have the newest phone and you don’t use the tools you have available?

I use my phone all the time to keep my life on track. Phones have a calendar on it. On this calendar, I write down my whole schedule. Every time there is a new event that I need to be cognizant of, I put it in my calendar with a reminder alarm well in advance of the event. Get into the habit of putting all events into your phone’s calendar. It will take some time to get used to but I promise you that if you do this regularly, it will change your life.

STICK TO THE PLAN

Most plans fail because people give up on their plans too early. The whole point of developing the plan is because it is important to you. When things are important in our lives, we make the time. This is a plan for your life; a plan to help you live your life to the fullest. There is a saying used by some professional teams of recent years… Trust the process. I can honestly say that this is a process that works. Time management is a cornerstone of successful people.

Things happen. I get that. You’re gonna come across some hurdles in your attempt to manage your time. It’s not an easy thing to learn. Furthermore, when those trying times come, you have to follow through with the plan you developed. People and situations are going to test you. However, you must resist the temptation to not follow your daily schedule. The schedule is everything. Stick to it for a week or two and see how this works for you. Remember, it takes about 7 days to develop a habit. It takes even less time to develop bad ones.

BE FLEXIBLE

Plans will and do change. Yet, being flexible with your plans will help you when things come up beyond your control. For example, if you were planning to go to the gym in the morning but something unexpectedly comes up, having backup free time can alleviate this problem. The most important thing is that you still make it to the gym.

Nothing is ever a hundred percent. Great leaders and planners understand and adapt to this. A detour should not keep you from reaching your goals. Continue to move toward what it is that you are striving for. Yet, ensure that you are flexible enough to combat the unexpected. Another skill of military personnel is the ability to be able to adapt to change. They do it better than most.

CONCLUSION

If you stay consistent and follow these five tips, I know you will see a change in your life. I recently read a quote that said, “To change your life, you need to change your priorities”. These words are so true. Time management is about prioritizing. So what is important to you? If you figure out the answer to that question and move toward making it happen, you can see some amazing things happen in your life. It’s 2019. It is a new year to change your life but change starts today. Tomorrow makes promises to no one. To live your life with no regrets, you must take action today. It starts with time management.

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: January 28, 2019 @ 10:49 pm

Kevin Hart’s Good Year – Be Like Him

Kevin Hart’s good year cannot be overstated. In the past year, including January of 2019, he will have been in two movies. In 2018, he kicked off his comedy tour, Irresponsible Tour. I was fortunate to go to this tour and it was awesome!!! After the show, I got to be in a VIP area close to his. He has been a model of physical fitness and has sponsored a number of runs in various cities around the country promoting health. Born in Philly, his team the Philadelphia Eagles won the super bowl in 2018. He was even asked to host the upcoming Oscars. However, due to backlash on previous public comments on the subject of homosexuality, he stepped down. It has still been a great year to be Kevin Hart. I will make the case why you should be like him.

HARD WORK

It may go unnoticed by people who don’t follow Kevin Hart on social media, but he works very hard. He is always working on new projects to better his life and reach his goals. Besides the above accomplishments, he is also working on a deal with Nickelodeon (that network that we all grew up watching) to produce kid content for the network under his HeartBeat production banner.

This year, he will star in a buddy comedy with Breaking Bad star villain and funny man, Bryan Cranston. Additionally, he will be staring in The Secret Life of Pets 2 and Jumanji 3 in the next year. Kevin Hart is always working on new projects to boost his status in Hollywood and for his family.

There’s something to be learned from him. When you have a dream, you should go after it. He’s never satisfied with where he’s at. He constantly pushes towards the next goal. In 2019, we all should be looking at what we could be doing to move towards our dreams.

PHYSICAL FITNESS

If you haven’t followed him yet on Instagram, you’ll see that he is always posting workout videos. They often end in a laugh. He’s a comedian; what can you say? He has a personal trainer that pushes him to the limit. And he maintains a dedicated regiment that he follows regularly. It’s been noted that even while on tour, he gets in the gym. NO EXCUSES.

I spoke early about his hustle. He signed a deal with Nike and has run in a number of marathons. Even with his busy schedule, he is constantly running in these competitive marathons. This includes the New York City marathon in which he ran in 4 hours and 5 minutes. This is a testament to his love of physical fitness.

We often tend to say we are too busy to workout. Similarly, we are too busy to do things that are hard. I am not immune to this criticism. Matter of fact, I get tied up on working on these articles, growing my business, and making videos. I definitely argue that I don’t have time. It must be noted, I do correct myself. So this year, we have to make fitness a priority. As I have stated in a previous article, we have to start working out before the damage is done to our bodies. People wait later in life to get themselves on track. The worse is having been in shape and totally let yourself go. Make the pledge to make fitness a priority in 2019.

LAUGHTER AND FAMILY

The other key component to his success is his renewed dedication to his family. Additionally, some of you may be aware of the indiscretion that he had against his marriage a couple of years back. Since then, he and his wife have had a baby and a renewed dedication to making their marriage work. As a matter of fact, she is usually by his side through thick and thin and everything in between. She is his “ride or die” woman; we could all be so lucky, right? What they proved is that things happen. Yet, through love, they were able to move past it and make their family better. You all know they got “skip-scotch-scallywags” trying to get a piece of the fame.

In his comedy, Kevin always talks about his family. They are big to him. As someone who spent a lot of time away from family and friends, it’s important to have those relationships. You can have Kevin Hart money but if you don’t have the love of the people in your corner, then what does it matter. That is not to say that you shouldn’t work hard to make a better life for them. We must have a balance of laughter, love, and family for our success to truly be meaningful.

With that being said, I challenge everyone to reach out every now and again to our families. As a matter of fact, I am aware that I am terrible at normal interval communication. I could go into why but what matters is that time is precious. We can’t get the moments we don’t use back. I love my family and friends and my true peeps know that. I do realize I can be better. There’s always room for improvement.

BE YOUR BEST

What I want you to get from this article is to be your best. Far too often we watch our dreams slip away for a number of reasons. The most important of these excuses is that we often defeat ourselves. There is a saying; “The path to hell is paved with good intentions”. Hell isn’t necessarily a place of fire and brimstone. It’s even worse than that. It’s living with regret from not living up to your potential. Hell is living in a life that is below what you are capable of. You begin to feel like nothing will ever change.

However, successful people know that no one is going to give you shit in this world. You gotta go after it and put in the hard work. Ah!!! That’s the other thing. Most people want to hit the good luck lottery. That’s not real life. Life can be cruel and tough. We have to be the ones to make it better because no one will do it for us.

CONCLUSION

If you don’t get anything from this article, think about this. We watch movies and follow stars because we long for a piece or a glimpse of the life they live. Moreover, we envy the success that others obtain and we long to have. If you don’t believe me, then why does everyone make the statement about winning the lotto whether they play or not? You want that money and the promise of the lifestyle it would bring.

In essence, I hope that you want to be like Kevin Hart. He works hard, keeps himself in shape, works on his mental, and looks to make others happy. Hopefully, you have made some realistic goals for this year. But even more so, I hope you all go after them. There are no excuses. You can do this. Be like Kevin and make it happen.

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Author: Shaun

Posted On: January 14, 2019 @ 8:57 pm

DATING MISTAKES GALORE!

MISTAKE #1

MISTAKE #2

MISTAKE #3

MISTAKE #4

MISTAKE #5

MISTAKE #6

MISTAKE #7

MISTAKE #8

MISTAKE #9

MISTAKE #10

CONCLUSION

THE 50/50 FLAW

FILL YOUR CUP FIRST

THE OTHER PERSON’S CUP

WIN THE GAME

CONCLUSION

GET OVER THE PAST

DON’T LIVE IN FEAR

WORK ON YOUR SHORTCOMINGS

KNOW WHO YOU ARE

REALIZE LIFE IS SHORT

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The Flaw of Being Flawed

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Stand Strong

Ghost of Christmas Past

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Moving On Isn’t Easy

Let It Go

Be Your Best You

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RUSHING TO LOVE

TINGLY FEELINGS

FALLING WITHOUT A PARACHUTE

RUSHING IN WITHOUT A HOSE

LOVE… PROCEED WITH CAUTION

VOICE OF REASON

RELATIONSHIPS ARE TOUGH

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What are Red Flags

Why Red Flags Are Bad

Driving Thru Red Lights

But, but, but, but…

A Big ‘Ol “But” For My Fellas

It’s All Fun and Games

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A TWISTED FATE

BAD BEATS

RECOVERY TIME

NEW ORLEANS GOES MARCHING ON

PRIDE IN A CITY

TIME MANAGEMENT IS A SKILL

SET SHORT AND LONG TERM GOALS

WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS

USE THE TOOLS YOU HAVE

STICK TO THE PLAN

BE FLEXIBLE

CONCLUSION

NEW ARTICLE COMING OUT ON THURSDAY

HARD WORK

PHYSICAL FITNESS

LAUGHTER AND FAMILY

BE YOUR BEST

CONCLUSION

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